Massive’s Naughty Bits
The overwhelming response we received for last issue’s ‘Naughty Bits’ impressed us so much (see our letter section), that we just knew it had to be done again. Or better yet, make it a regular feature- we’re always down with keeping our readers entertained (or offended). Last issue’s installment was written by a well known midwest DJ who chose to stay anonymous (no, it wasn’t Doormouse, either), but this time, it is presented ‘in the flesh’ by Chicago’s DJ Tron- owner of Blood n’ Guts records, and producer of some the more stompin’ Gabba on the planet. Jeff works in a Porn shop, so he was our obvious first choice to grace this section. An odd occurrence here is the fact that Jeff, our anonymous first writer, and our other pick to write here- Ron D. Core (if he chooses to do so in a future issue), are all hardcore DJ’s… So, with that logic- if you are some pussy ass House enthusiast, you better turn the page now. Everyone else with a sense of humor- Enjoy.
that he could massage her tits from the inside. All at the same time, she has the back of her throat coated with guy number 2 ‘s goopy load. Follow that scene up with guy #3 pissing into a funnel connected to the same chicks pussy, and put a title on it that nobody in America could possibly understand. That, my friends, would complete the process of producing a foreign porno film that will rent out everyday!!!
Without fail! Guaranteed!!
This is my job, outside of music, and I love it. At any given time, I can watch some guy with a 12 inch spear ream some hot chicks ass, or better still, I can watch some hot bitch strap one on and fuck her girlfriend’s ass until she turns blue. If you’re like me, the latter event is the one you would spill your load to. For hot lesbian action, check out “Where the boys aren’t – Part 9”. Watch Janine, Alexis, Christian, Chasey Lane, Christy Canyon and others explore the wonderful world of lesbian raunch! Watch Janine get DP’ed by two of her co-stars. Wow!! Believe me, this is one hot video. I don’t want to spoil the ending, being as how I know most of you rent these videos for the intelligent, well written, multi-leveled and complex stories that surround the yucky stuff, but expect a well deserved reaming. On another tip, there is “Zazel.” This tape is way hot! This is also one that couples can get into together. It is filmed beautifully on 35mm, and features nothing but Penthouse Pets from around the globe. Believe me, these woman are gorgeous. There are some very creative techniques involving “Dildo Boots,” and there is an incredible 3 woman/ 1 man scene towards the end of the tape that is guaranteed to produce “results” for both partners. Only problem is it gets a little “artsy” at times, but that is what the “fast forward” button is for, right?!
Alright, enough with the nice, tame, stuff… It’s time to get raunchy. If you want a video that will invoke a reaction, try “Shit Dinner.” As the name implies, you get exactly what you ask for. I put this tape on once in a great while to shock the fuck out of whoever is lucky enough to be at my house at showtime. I honestly cannot see how anyone can get off on this video, or any other video like it. I use it to scare people. I won’t tell you what happens… Ah fuck it, I will! Basically some chick is eating some guys asshole out, when all of a sudden a huge log shoots out of his ass and lands in the chicks mouth. And of course, the logical thing to do would be to squish it between her teeth and eat it, right? I mean, why spit it out when dinner’s free? Believe me, this is intense!! Highly recommended to shock, but if you jerk off to this, you really scare me! But, if this kind of thing gets you wet, fear not, I will review another video of this nature… next time.
Imagine a paper cut on the tip of your dick, or a razor blade splitting your clit lengthwise. That would be almost as crazy as the time I had my eyes and balls switched and surgically attached. I couldn’t see shit through all of the pubes. Or the time I had my asshole sewn shut because I thought I could get a sexual rush from having the logs build up inside me. That totally backfired! The logs ended up re-routing through my cock. Imagine having logs try to squeeze out through your dickhole. Makes you guys out there cringe, huh? Have a little more fucking respect for the women giving birth to your children, fuckers!
Rocco Siffreddi has an amazing cock, Janine is one hot lesbian, Tammi Ann is a slut, Seymore Butts videos are all good, John “Buttman” Stagliano is HIV+, 303 music has gone commercial and not worth it’s roots, chaos will sweep the world, my girlfriend has permission to fuck me up the ass with a strap-on dildo, and ‘The Honeymooners’ still remains the best quality programming that that fucking evil box has ever had to offer! Those are the facts, and they are undisputed!!
Ten Pornos to check out!
Where The Boys Aren’t 9 (lesbian)
Seymore Butts: Gluteus Maximus (couples)
Fresh Meat 4(recommended by Scott in NY)(hardcore)
Chameleons (old, but worth the hunt)(couples)
Shane’s World 7 (lesbian)
Diva 3 (lesbian)
Buttwoman 97 (couples)
Nuttin’ But Bitches (lesbian)
Takin’ It To The Limit 10 (bizarre)