Massive’s Naughty Bits
Here I sit, wondering what new ground to cover. Having been out of the pornography game for close to a year now has made it difficult for me to keep up on the new catch of hot and nasty skin teasers. It would be very easy for me to go and seed through my local vid-shop’s X-rated collection, but I find it hard to actually pay for porno flicks after having had a store full for the choosing at any given moment. Oh well… that just meant that I had to crank up the BPM’s on my imagination, and conjure up some extremely bizarre and twisted fantasies for my own amusement sessions. Yes, that means that I actually had to think for myself. Pretty scary. Anyway, I had some really kick ass scenarios, man, let me tell you: Three chicks at once; Two chicks on a steamroller; 2 hot chicks, a meathook, 3 Styrofoam spheres, and a Nerf basketball hoop; A hot chick, three bears and a salsa jar; 2 hot lesbians; 3 hot lesbians; 4 hot lesbians; 5 hot lesbians; Three lesbians, two pro-wrestlers, and a midget; 3 fish, 6 monkeys, and a 1/3 teaspoon full of nacho cheese… the list goes on, baby!!! All of it leading to the same place!! Speaking of midgets and nacho cheese, I just picked up this RAD Laserdisc. Anyone into gore flicks should very well have seen “Dead Alive,” also known as “BrainDead.” You know, Peter Jackson’s epic tale of a love so strong between a mother, and her only son… all tied together by the tear jerking, surprise ending of a young lad slaying about 666 zombies with a lawnmower. Come on people, if you have not seen this movie, you should be quarantined and sterilized. This movie has it ALL- a guy torn in half by the spine, a girl feeding severed hands into a blender, people crawling through other peoples faces (and I mean THROUGH them), a zombie priest doing “God’s work” by kung-fu kickin’ ass on a bunch of bikers, and it even has a guy in it that gets a garden gnome rammed into his neck just seconds after having his head severed. What more could you possibly want?!! And, believe me, that only covers maybe 2 minutes of this 100 minute long masterpiece of chunk-blowing glory. Which brings me to my most recent addition to my Laserdisc collection- I have just acquired the Japanese version of that wonderful, holiday classic. And this motherfucker contains 4 more minutes of gore than the American “unrated” version. And it’s even letterboxed. WOW!!
Anybody into Cronenberg? I rented this Japanese LD about 4 years ago called “Shivers,” also known as “They Came From Within.” I had never heard of it. What a really strange flick, man. Pretty twisted, and extremely perverse. A very disturbing feeling throughout. I fucking loved EVERY minute of that motherfucker. I now have seen that it has been re-released. So, any Cronenberg fans out there should go rent this. It is under the name “Shivers.” Enjoy.
Also, if “Lost Highway” is not the best movie EVER, besides the almighty “Aliens” (Cameron’s version), then fuck off!!
Oh, and speaking of ass-fucking… I did however cum across an older title that I have not seen in a while. I popped it in and checked it out. “Musical Tushies,” by the main man, Seymore Butts!!! One of the first scenes features these 3 European sluts who somehow make their way over to Seymore’s pad where the ALMIGHTY Ron Jeremy and Tom Byron just happen to be waiting. They even managed to walk right in the front door just as Seymore was taking footage of his front door. Timing, HUH? WOW man, they really give these chicks an ASS-REAMING!!! I mean ass fuckin’ the whole way. And I don’t mean no simple “anal-penetration.” I mean serious inches up that ass, faces in pillows, screaming, yelling, the neighbor calling out for pizza; these chicks even lick each other’s pussies and assholes when they aren’t the ones getting plummeted! A brilliant piece!! I didn’t even make it past that scene, so I can’t tell you how the rest of the production goes, or how it ends. No, wait a minute, I could tell you how it ended, but I will leave you to imagine the rest. Just as I have for close to a year now!!