Mid-Atlantic Massive

Posted on October 1st, by Jes Telempathy in 18, Scene Reports. No Comments

Wussup brothers and sisters, just figured I’d drop you a line and let you know how shit’s been popping back east.  Brian Karp’s recent migration to the A-T-L, has probably left a few of you wondering how you would find out all the news about your favorite egomaniacal DJs, promoters, and all around fashion whores.  Fear not, cuz no matter how eerie shit gets between Mecca and Cackalack, I’ll be here to give you the inside dookie.

Labor Day Weekend provided this summers first excursion, as the Telempathy crew trekked all the way to Philly for Circle Production’s (formerly Special K) ‘sooparave’ It!.  The lineup seemed to be a decent compromise between the not so familiar for these parts (Stacey Pullen, Robert Hood, Ed Rush/Nico/Trace [doing a half-live, half-DJ set]) and the way too familiar (Dieselboy, Winko, DJ Dan), that would necessitate using the enormous Valley Forge Convention Center.  Unfortunately, that was a bit of an underestimate as more than a few folks with advance tickets spent their evening OD’ing on GHB in the parking lot- since admission was cut off between 1 and 2.  Those inside got hit with a slammin’ live PA from Mr. Lettucehead himself:  Green Velvet, and probably spent a bit too much of their time waiting in line to the bathroom for water, but otherwise enjoyed a fairly minimal amount of bullshit for a party this far north of the Mason Dixon.  The afterhours (at local apparently bigshit club Shampoo), however, was a different story.    Two hour waits in the pouring rain are nobody’s idea of a good time, even if Caj was spinning a 6-hour set.  But two hours of waiting in the pouring rain in order to watch Cajmere spin in what appeared to be the club’s walk-in closet is straight up doo doo.   ‘Specially since the resident Special K (oops I mean Circle) lamo’s were wanking away with their feel-good saccharine house on count ‘em THREE other dancefloors.  If this is the best Philly has to offer in after-hours entertainment, it’s no wonder so many kids are hooked on dust and smack.  On top of it all, in what probably amounts to the biggest dickhead move I’ve ever come across, they turned off the fucking water in the bathrooms!!!  Now tell me that ain’t some bullshit.

Our nation’s capitol, despite being much closer to Telempathy HQ, isn’t much of a brighter situation.  Sure, Buzz provides a consistent, reasonably priced night out every Friday…  unfortunately it’s main consistency is in how many yawns are being produced.  Week after week it’s the same group of overpriced, egostroked douchebags wankin’ away with the most godawful, candied-out breaks, trance, and house money can buy.  I mean, will someone please report Pete Bones to immigration??!   And as far as local “legend” Scott Henry, I’m sorry to say any previous admiration must’ve been just really good drugs.   Taking that into account, the most recent Sting party featuring a supposed live PA by Hardfloor, the Ninjatune stealth tour in an outdoor tent, and some Drum n’ Bass dudes from across the pond, and I thought, “Well, at least it’s worth a shot…”  Big mistake.   I mean it’s not like I expected Lady Miss Kier’s “WORLD PREMIERE”  to be earth shattering, but I did expect her to beatmatch a little somethin-somethin, and not have to rely on some rasta-impasta bloodclot MC.  I also EXPECTED Hardfloor to be somewhat approximating a live performance.  Instead I was treated to two Teutonic wankers hopping up and down to what was probably the soon to be released THE BEST OF HARDFLOOR (K-Tel) complete with breaks between each track.  If this is what our goosestepping compadres in PLUR call a PA, than Deutschland really has gotta die!!

The following day in Richmond, ‘Peprally 2000’ was infinitely more pleasant.  Highlife/ Purelove hooked up the phat space for a free, intimate afternoon with Barada, in his first set outside of the Norfolk/VA Beach (aka. Lil’ Vietnam), since my pappy stopped sellin’ hooch to the Injuns.  Sure, I know many in the southeast have their criticisms for the Richmond area,  but this event was 100% about the music, so keep yer egos in check.  For all those who thought Richmond was strictly for the disco punters, you should have seen those glowsticks flyin’, as the posse was jackin’ hardcore to Barada’s four-on-the-floor minimal stomp.  Big-ups to Eric from Highlife, Pure Love Inc., and anyone else involved in this spot of summertime fun.

Next up, it’s horn-tootin time as Telempathy and Mining Vinyl pulled off ‘Boombangin’ without a hitch.  Trackhead Steve hit town on the hottest fuckin’ day of the summer, and although noticeably tired, did his thing at DC weekly: Pollen..  The rest of the week was a haze of indo smoke and brew, mostly on my end, as I found out Westside G’s like Trackhead are sometimes more the Nestle ice cream bar types.  I also found out that despite Trackhead’s affiliation with Relief, that Cajmere did not try to put a head of lettuce on Trackhead’s noggin, and he’s got shit coming out on Henry Street, Force Inc. and even more tracks on Relief.  This all led up to a slammin throwdown that Saturday, when our Chi-Town buddy turned motherfuckers out with some TRAX!  Who said the South can’t get with the hard shit??!  Starchild also got up in it and blasted the usually non-jungle appreciating posse with some of the funkiest jump-up these ears have ever heard, and yes, it was all good.

The final stop on this issue’s itinerary is bittersweet.  It seems a good natured guy named Tom Kua figured he’d bust his ass a bit, and try to bring one of the dopest lineups NYC or anyC has ever seen to the hallowed halls of Twilo on July 3rd in the form of ‘Nation Under Groove’.  Let me just run this shit down:  Cari Lekebusch, DJ Lenk, Adam X, Damon Wild, J. Dahlback, Function (Live), Mederic from Blue Maxx (Live), and the god of thunder himself Adam Beyer!!!  All under one roof, $20, and the day before a national holiday, and it didn’t even break a 1000 folx.  I’d ask what all you dunderheads who didn’t show were smoking, but I probably wouldn’t wanna know.  I’ll just big-up everyone who showed, and if you didn’t,  I hope your autographed copy of ‘Caterpillar’ gets warped, biyatch!!

So that wus how it was kiddies.  If you’ve got a party  that you’d like to be critiqued under my excruciatingly critical eye, bring it on!!  I mean, get in touch.  Cuz y’see, I’m not in it for the money, fame, or bitchez.  I’m about music, friendship, PLUR, and scoring some free uhh… dance tips!

Yeah, that’s the ticket!!