Music Reviews

Posted on October 1st, by Various in 18, Record Reviews, Reviews. Comments Off on Music Reviews




Night Crawlers
State Of Mind, US

The title A-side track is a slice of rather standard hard acid trance that doesn’t do much.  Flip for the B-side’s first track- the B-side wins again.  ‘List’ is a dark pounding track reminiscent of some PCP stuff.  Nice hard kicks at a not too quick of a tempo. 6.5/10 <dan>


Steel Groove EP
NU Futura, US

First release for a label that Frankie Bones is doing A&R for- hmm- minimal techno, rather boring- the only thing really all too playable is the Alternative mix of ‘Steel Groove’- a bit of hard drums. 5/10 <dan>

Comrades From Cologne


The info side has two tracks by A. Crash that are pretty standard 909 303 pounding acid, but ey, a lot of people like that stuff, and the rawness of it keeps it nice.  On the flip Brixton does a couple of boring 303 things that lack the punch of his other stuff. 6/10 <dan>


Majesty, US

The A-side of this is my pick.  Nice hard kicks with tweaky acid very reminiscent of Richie Hawtin’s FUSE workings.  I like to get in and out of this track fast, but the progression never stops, so it can be nice for long mixing.  On the flip I’m liking the second track, ‘On the Mend,’ a darker techno track with a nice cold harsh feel. 7.5/10 <Dan>

Andrew Richley

Plastic City America, US

Go to the B-side for the goods- very subtle yet funk-inducing techno house tracks that could blow up the floor if the right crowd (ie. not a bunch of acidbreaks-loving rave twits) were listening- it’s the kind of midtempo shit that isn’t hard or soft and still manages to put a glide in yo stride and a dip in yo hip- got shitty rims on the Volvo. 7.5/10 <dan>


Time Dilation Effect
21/22 Corp, US

Charles Noel from the Columbus, Ohio Ele_mentals back in effect.  The A-side is my pick with ‘Cloud Burst,’ a floaty synth, hard percussion workout and ‘Frictionless,’ a track on the same vibe with a bit less of the float.  The B-side tracks ain’t exactly my cup of tea but the four well done lock grooves more than compensate, with styles ranging from 909 techno to fucked house.  A strong release definitely worth a check. 8/10 <dan>

Darren Price

Lose No Time
Nova Mute, Can

The A-side title track sounds a lot like Underworld’s ‘Born Slippy,’ and seeing that this guy is UW’s DJ, it’s no wonder why.  Slippy break beats and stabbing synths make for an alright journey, but once again, the second B-side track wins.  ‘Friction’ is a mover with great percussion and tweaky sparse synth work. 7.5/10 <dan>


Pre Hmo Days
State Of Mind, US

I like this one. The A-side is a nice hard Swedish sounding techno track with a good lock groove at the end.  The flips first track is a bit boring but the second is a remix of the A with a bit more fucking around going on and the lock groove slips up a bit this time. 7/10 <dan>

Datakill EP

Clashbackk, US

Produced by the continually impressive Bryan Zentz aka Barada- three tracks of well produced techno house.  The twelve inch kicks off with its most impressive cut, ‘Vaccine,’ a percussive bleep-laden quirky house cut which could sound at home on Plumphouse or Hybrid.  ‘I Awake’ is very Surgeon/Downwards style minimal techno cut- except less noisy and subsequently more appealing.  Flip for ‘Ultra Digit’ and its distorted synth stabs, hi-pitched arpeggiation, and the mix cutting 909 toms.  This is all very usable and shows Zentz as the player to watch for in the coming year.  <brad>


Diffusion EP
Global Ambition, UK

Two tracker from the Global Ambition stable- tolerable but non-ground breaking techno.  The title track is the best of the two and sounds like something Laurent Garnier would have been playing two years ago-  pounding and mental with an impressive and non-obvious build which erupts into a barrage of 32nd note distorted rim shots.  ‘Brain Twister’ rounds out the record with a long spacey intro which grows into a dark techno groove and unfortunately drops a crap 303 imitation sequence towards the end and a useless snare roll.  We give it a big “not too bad.”  <brad>

Mission Of Light

Survive EP
White Label

I think this comes from a label called Voodoo or something but I’m not going to say for sure either way.  The ‘Hardtrance mix’ of the title track starts out like it’s going to blow your mind with some well placed keys and percussion but then stops and throws in an unnecessary cheesy German trance lead and fucks the whole track up.  The flip side clocks in a very similar rating- good 303, good percussion, bad hoover Jupiter 8 sound- I think the Belgians gave that one it’s chance six years ago.  Better luck next time.  <brad>


He Never Lost His Hardcore rmxs
Top Banana, US

I knew that eventually this would arrive at the post office box and cause me the grief of reviewing it.  Basically, this is a song which was interesting and not cheesy in 1992-  these remixes do little to update the sound or bring it into the musically interesting era we’re in now.  This is a history piece and should have been kept as such- however since it’s here, we’ll talk about it.  NRG does a 97 mix which is crap, Baby Doc (who has done some okay records) does a mix which is crap-  the ‘sharp mad house mix’ is crap, and the original, when placed up against anything done by today’s reputable artists, is crap.  This will be huge in English mega-clubs and scoffed at by anyone with a critical ear.  <brad>


Infinite Steps to a Better You
Deepfried, US

A solid, banging techno release for this Minneapolis Old-schooler.  It is a little known fact that David Olson has been making tracks for as long as anybody up north.  It is great to see him getting out there. This is straight up hard edge minimal techno. 7/10 <mark>


Anvil of Dawn
Deepfried, US

Another release from this Kalamazoo bad boy… this time on his own label.  This may be his best record this year, in my opinion- hard, relentless and well produced.  He shows us all that Kalamazoo is truly half way between Detroit and Chicago. 8/10 <mark>


Dimensions of Sound
Deepfried, US

This release is actually the product of Chicago’s Babypop, who may be in Detroit by the time you read this.  This is a good example of the more syncopated elements of the Detroit sound.  None of the rhythms are easy to follow, I bet this is very difficult to mix.  A good record. Watch for the next Deepfried release, by Massive Magazine’s own, Mark Verbos. 6/10 <mark>

Phuturehaus Inc.

ID 101
Intrinsic Design, US

This is the first record on this label, a collaboration between a Swedish mastermind, Alexi Delano and a Midwesterner living in New York, Mike Bryant.  The actual trax are by Denard Henry and just what you’d expect from such a collaboration- solid technoish house. This is very much in the same style as Svek in Sweden where Mr. Delano has been releasing most of his music as of late.  I like this record very much. 9/10 <mark>


Future Frontier, Belgium

This is good.  Future Frontier is a label to follow these days.  They are only up to their 10th release now and they have already made a name for themselves all over the world.  This record is no exception. Banging hard techno.  No bullshit.  There are also two K. Hand remixes on here.  Watch for future releases on this one. 8/10 <mark>


Subchased EP
Minimalistix, Belgium

The whole idea of this label is an interesting one- minimal for minimals sake.  I like it.  There are so many minimal techno records coming out, these are just tracks and nothing more.  Mix these, don’t just listen to them.  The idea is a great one, but this particular record doesn’t do too much for me.  It’s a bit like minimal rambling.  Not a bad one, just nothing special. 5/10 <mark>

This is a Collective

Subsounds 009
Subsounds, Belgium

Subsounds is supposed to be the more melodic sister label of Future Frontier.  I don’t really understand how, because I hear nothing melodic about this record.  This slams.  It is very typical of the slamming Detroit influenced European techno that can be expected from this and other nice Belgian labels.  A little bit of FM organs, little distortion, some heavy percussion, and some great grooves. 8/10 <mark>


Hard Education
Downwards, UK

Keeping the deep, dark feel of techno alive are Regis, Surgeon, Portion Reform and Female.  If you’re familiar with their work, or if you’ve heard a Jeff Mills track, then you know what you’re in for… The tough, gritty sounds of these artists are what makes them so popular.  Two slabs of wax, 8 tracks in all, each one slams- just make sure you remember to hit the RPM button every time you flip the disc over (each one is 33 on one side and 45 on the other).  Pick up a copy and hear why these artists are leaders in this genre.  You might learn something. 9/10 <j flux>

Stacey Pullen

Kosmic Messenger
Elypsia, Belgium

I think this record was released out of demand for ‘Soundscape’, a track released on Eclipse back in ’93 (and really the song that brought Stacy Pullen recognition).  ‘Soundscape’ is an atmospheric excursion, with big sounds and small drums good for 6AM or listening to at home.  Worth the money for that alone and it also includes two mixes of ‘Get down,’ which are on the same plane.  8/10 <al dente>

Mould Impression

6 Hours
Primate, UK

Damn!  Does this guy ever put out a crappy record?  Doesn’t seem like it… Adam Beyer releases another slammin’ EP with four tough-as-nails tracks.  That ‘metallic rubberband’ sound is back on two of the tracks, but this time Beyer tweaks and distorts the percussion like crazy, giving the overall track a gritty and harsh effect.  The standout on this release has to be Lenk’s 808 mix.  It’s a definite crowd-pleaser. 10/10 <j flux>


Nervous System
Funk D’angieterre, Denmark

Choose is one of those artists who consistently puts out quality tracks and this release is no exception.  Three tracks in all.  The info side starts with your basic 909 kickdrum.  Progressively, hand claps and rim taps are added as the acid bassline builds and explodes into a frenzy.  The other two tracks on the logo side are just as impressive (although the picture of a kid sucking his thumb and holding a butterfly in his other hand is somewhat disturbing). Simple, but fuckin’ hard as hell!!!   10/10 <j flux>


Sidewinder EP
Trope, Germany

I picked this up ’cause I saw Sidewinder written on it and thought it might be new tracks from JK Flesh.. no dice with that, but the eerie thing is that it sounds very similar.  The first side comes out tripped as fuck and gets even more tasty.  The second track is my pick from the 12″ with mind-reaming high-end noises that’ll spin your head around like the Exorcist-  subtle, gloomy and relentless-  Second side is OK, but doesn’t stack up against the first two tracks-  8/10 <fish>

Depeche Mode

Mute, UK

It probably comes as no surprise to anyone that this is actually a pretty crappy record, but Depeche Mode have been bringing in interesting remix folk in the last while (Plastikman, Speedy J, Hardfloor) so I figured I’d give it a spin-  3 of the 4 mixes are horrid, vocal shite, but the Jedi Knights mix is actually really nice jungle-ish mix that strips away ALL the whining, ballad vocals and delivers a rather tasty shot to the jaw-  if you’ve got the cash to spare on a record that only offers up one useful track.. or if you’re some sort of bastard that’s nostalgic about the 80s then it’s worth searching out-  otherwise-  pass. 2.5/10 <fish>

DJ Slip

808 To Nice
Subvoice, Jap

Three tracks coming to you from Minneapolis, via Japan.  A remix of ‘Healtz’ is the most conventional on here (which isn’t saying much, btw).  Pollo Con Dope is next in line and gets substantially weirder (and more interesting), but THE track on this record is the A-side,  ‘808 To Nice’ which sounds like Disinformation’s GhostShells record sequenced into a rhythm.  Sharp electrical crackles and pops dominate the track, occasional drums fall in and out of the mix.  Definitely one to freak people out with early in the AM.  For added fun go to an Italian restaurant and order Pollo Con Dope- I got a chicken with a bag of heroin stuffed in its ass. <fish>


Clashbackk, US

Single-sided mayhem and NOT what I was expecting from Clashbackk.  I’m assuming that Galaxy is Gigi Galaxy of Teknotika, but I’m probably wrong.  At any rate the sound is similar.  Weird, dark and minimal techno music.  One track is all you get, and it’s really all you need. <fish>


Arm Your Frequency
Definitive, Can

It’s a thumpin’ tech-house thing.  ‘Fusebox’ stands alone on the A-side, beggin’ you to play it (and you should)-  but it’s ‘Pilot’ that deserves the attention.  Don’t ask me to explain it, ’cause I can’t-  It’s just got a little more of that special something that makes my nuts bounce.  The wonderful thing about Tiggers- <fish>


Plus8, Can

‘Sickness’ kicks in like a demented mix of ‘Kricket’ and then proceeds to mellow out.  Straight kick ride with weird sounds in the background that pitch down and echo around and that ‘Kricket’ noise comes back and it sort of builds back up-  It’s growing on me, but I’m really not crazy about it.  ‘Pannik Attack’ is more my thing.  Straight up intro that goes on a little too long and then works its way into something that would remind me of that time I took a ridiculous amount of acid and got chased around by a pack of angry locomotives on valium-  if that had ever happened to me. <fish>


Time Dilation Effect
21/22 Corp, USA

Side A opens with a ‘Cloud Burst’ of chaotic percussion.  Definitely fits into the “intelligent techno” category as it rips through one of the most convoluted patterns I’ve ever encountered.  Slides effortlessly into the sort of blissful track that makes wading through a stack of bad records seem like a small price to pay-  ‘Frictionless’ is a hypnotic wonder of beatless fun.  A misprint on the label says that the lock grooves are at the end of the flip side, but they’re up next and are some of the cleanest loops I’ve found anywhere.  The B-sides are substantially more DJ friendly and provide a pair of glowing examples that the midwest is able to throw down beats with the best. 10/10 <fish>


Sidewinder EP
Trope, Germany

Trope is owned by Thomas Heckman straight out of Germany.  This is the 27th release off of his label.  The Sidewinder EP starts off very minimal and dark, opening with a pulsating minimal beat.  The second track is definitely a little bizarre (that’s a good thing)- it has this nice smooth hi-hat rhythm, very minimal, with nice bass.  The flip has a really cool groove to it- very minimal but dark and scary.  And finally we end with what is my favorite track.  This one has these distorted growls that seem to come out of nowhere- the drums rock as well. This track is a little less minimal than the rest, full of fills and distorted sounds.  Overall I am very pleased with Trope, and urge you to check their stuff out.  Oh and wait for the upcoming release from Massive’s very own Mark Verbos. <julia>

Portion Reform

Lino 14
Downwards, UK

For all you people out there who love minimal techno this one is for you.  Almost every release on Downwards is amazing in its own way. This record rocks.  It is VERY minimal.  The first track is kind of slow but has this rhythm that is really intense- the fills in this track are also great.  The whole track feels like it is a half a beat behind but locks you into this jagged groove.  On the flip the track basically continues, but is little more complex.  At the end of the EP you are taken into a track basically where you began.. gotta love Regis.  You die hard Downwards fans should definitely pick up this one. <julia>

Oliver Ho

Chasm EP
Drumcode, Sweden

AH, yet another record from the Swedes.  This 12″ offers crazy reversed distorted sounds, on top of a great drum patterns.  Oliver is definitely leaving his mark behind on this record.  His tracks all have strong drums, with lots of weird tweaked sounds… kind of stringy.  The other side of this record gets more complex, I would call the first on the flip a banger.  I like the basslines and the frequency changes in the synth parts.  Great record. <julia>

DJ Jeff Swing & D. Lazzani

Primate, UK

If you haven’t been listening to Primate stuff lately, you should definitely start.  This label has been putting out great stuff.  This record is one of my favorites.  It is a 10″ on sea green vinyl (real cool looking).  The two tracks on the first side are both harder techno with the second track having a little bit of a housey groove.  The flip though is where its at!  A minimal hard tweaky techno track!  A lot of cool synth bleeps… one of my all time favorite tracks.  You should check this label out; also if you can find any old Adam Beyer records on Primate snatch then up… they are gems. <julia>


Plastic City, US

Well.. I have to give whoever made this record a plus for originality since this doesn’t really sound like much else out there.  Damn slow tempo house-ish percussion with abrasive and occasionally unnerving sounds atop.  ‘H Comme Hell Nd’ takes up one side of this twelve inch- bringing flashback’s of Speedy J’s ‘Ni Go Snix’ except slightly more danceable.  The flip side’s ‘H Comme Hepwaitassed’ is kind of neat with it’s shifty drums and analog ear-abuse.  A record which is interesting- and would be loved by fans of the more experimental DJax Up Beats stuff.  <brad>

Fade II Black

Dilemma EP
Elypsia, Bel

Like the dark, garbage strewn alleyways of Detroit and Chicago combined into a maze of noise and direction at once, Jay Denham (head of Black Nation) has always seemed to follow his own plot, even if it means borrowing geographically in each direction.  Now the Kalamazoo sound is being represented globally on Elypsia (of Brussels) which means: A; better pressings, B; flashier packaging, and C; mo’ money.  I’m not sure it’s ready.  I mean, this stuff is good, but I can’t see people going buck wild over it.  These tracks really need to be applied carefully to get complete energy out of them.  Don’t get me wrong though, if you’re into dark brooding trax, Fade II Black will definitely be your bag. <el diablo>

Mark Verbos

Centrifuge EP
Planet Rhythm ,UK

Life is getting pretty exiting for Mark lately; though you wouldn’t detect it by merely talking to the guy.  P-Rhythm and Hybrid,  two of the biggest and most respected techno labels in the world, have taken notice; and it seems like only a matter of time until Mark is rightfully recognized as one of the best techno producers in the nation.  But enough about the process; lets get into the content.  The first thing I noticed about Centrifuge is it’s incredibly warm for a techno record.  One thing that annoys me about techno lately is it’s so sterile, but Mark’s take is excellent in the sense it’s undeniably human.  The drums are clean and ruff, highs precise and pronounced, and everything is tied together with overpowering rhythms.  Since the local record stores are wonkers with droopy bollocks they probably only ordered five copies, so you’ll have to order it.  But you better or you will be sorry 14/10 <al dentine>

Bionic Orange

Your Mother Wouldn’t Like It! Rmx
Fun, UK

This kick ass 12” I scored off of a new label in England called FUN or Future Underground Nation.  Side A starts off like any other trancey song, a simple 4/4 beat which leads into climbing 303.  This is the dope shit, not too repetitive and not too many samples.  Side B is also an exceptionally solid track, sampling noises that I haven’t heard before, like the sonar bleeps from Star Trek.  This record is a definite must have for any DJ in need of progressive trance or acid. <drew>

DJ Misjah

The Shake/The Crush
XTrax, Holland

Another great release for the ingenious DJ Misjah.  From the same guy that gave us Access, here comes The Shake.  This progressive techno track samples an old school electro sounding voice which flows through out the ever so many pauses and builds.  On the other side there’s the Crush.  This is a very repetitive song, personally I don’t like it, but if you enjoy a simple beat with minimal sequenced sound this is your track.  The Shake kicks ass, give it a listen at record store near you. <drew>

Kriss Dior

KD: Machinery
Plastic City, UK

This new release on Plastic City isn’t typical at all.  You’d expect something on the acid tip, but what you find here is something so incredibly different.  On the first side, there’s a crazy Drum Code sounding track, called ‘Orange Walk District’.  If you want the real goods turn the record over to the other side.  ‘The Machinery’- this track is hype.  It starts off with quick drum cuts and then a pause.  Out of nowhere comes this base tone, the kind in most jungle tracks, which adds an eerie, dark feel.  And then a crazy sample in the middle where this guy talks about how we’re tracked from birth to death by numbers, paranoia!  This is the real deal, you must get this baby, however don’t play while tripping. <drew>


Steel Grooves EP
Nu Futura, US

The premiere release from the Nu Futura label is sure to please with the A+R done by Mr. Frankie Bones.  For the first release he has selected DM with his hard beats and phat progressions.  Steel Groove, Don’t U Want It, and Siko-Lude are all good attempts and capturing the sound of the Brooklyn underground and will surely fill any dance-floor.  I suspect this one will do well with some of the harder DJs.  Upcoming releases are also on the way.  Keep an eye out for some great new talent on this label, as well as some possible cameos by Frankie Bones and his techno posse. <rick>

Unit Park

Digital Mobile Funk
Plastic City America, US

Plastic City US, who has released production units like Awex, Freddie Fresh, and Terry Lee Brown Jr. brings us some more Unit Park with the Digital Mobile Funk EP.  A previous release on this label by Unit Park was good, but the sophomore effort far exceeds the first release in quality.  Especially notable tracks are Katnipper and Slamm.  Both of these are no holds barred, pumping drum tracks that will groove any techno fan.  The releases are of a wide variety of dance musical genres, but the quality is anything but sporadic.  This stuff has been consistently good. <rick>


Absence, Ger

Umek has been releasing some great tracks as of late.  His double vinyl release on the Communiqué label and his previous releases on the Absence label have all been brilliant.  This five track EP is even better.  This guy takes some time to get used too- his music is hard, dark, and noisy.  But after awhile you will realize Umek is actually quite groovy.  His tracks sound best in the 120-125 BPM range.  If you don’t know him, give a listen and you will surely be a convert. <rick>

Bryan Zentz Mtraklz

Collection EP
Bush, UK

A little bit harder stylee represented by Mr. Scan 5 aka VA’s finest.  ‘Interior Design’, is a bit trancey,  with a prominent thunder sample.  While the other two tracks are fine examples of minimal, angular techno/house, that definitely ups the ante on the dancefloor.  On its own this record stands as a pretty good example of what’s right and good with underground dance music.  Take in the fact  it’s being produced in the most backwards-ass gooberhead locale of Norfolk, VA, and you’ve got a real fuckin’ gem. <jes>

Immortality EP

Testube, US

Not really too sure who’s got their finger in this solid 4/4 pie, but this is still some nice full throttle minimal European techno.  Each song features some sort of breakdown, so I guess that means there are some trance elements present.  Ahhh shit,  there’s a nice tweaky Mr. Coffee sample on the first track (‘What to Bring’).  Fuck, why can’t you listen to music with words?! <jes>

Partikus Spectrum

Primate, UK

This limited edition two track 10” is a new series released by the gurus at Primate.  Although this release is not the best thing I have heard from Primate, it is definitely decent.  Previous releases including RND Technologies, Macro Carola, and Adam Beyer were all much better.  I have also heard through the grapevine that the next couple of releases on Primate are all good.  Not confirmed, but definitely a rumor, Natural Music’s Jon Williams is set to do his business on an upcoming release.  Needless to say some serious techno will undoubtedly be coming your way soon. <rick>

K Hand

On A Mission EP
!K7, US

Kelli flips it a bit more straightforward dancefloor acid-house, as opposed to the post Larry Levan funk shit (not a dis) that Acacia has been hittin’ us with recently.  ‘Gotta Make You Move’ utilizes said phrase with a breakdown, and a few acid shots.  It’s nice, but not spectacular.  ‘I Can See’ on the flip, however comes mad correct with a nice build, and a few well placed keyboard stabs.  Who says bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks?  K-Hand’s got all you punks hangin’ from her jewels on this feature, and ‘I Can See’ is worth the price of admission alone. <jes>

Prototype 909

The Kids Don’t Care +2
Schmer, US

The treacherous three of techno are back, hittin’ you from every angle with that uncut intelligencia funk.  ‘Kids’ is a barnstormer of post-Detroit hard-hitting techno that is very reminiscent of Prototype’s live PA’s (or at least the ones I’ve caught).  The other side features some tweaked out weirdness in the form of ‘Bobby Sox,’ and my favorite, the minimal house funk of ‘Tech Nine.’  The new dawn is rising. <jes>

Tronic Men EP

Subspace, UK

Laidback Luke- with a definite harder slant, serves up some steaming, bangin euro-hardhouse.  Each track has a little somethin’ somethin’ that makes it unique, and it’s reflected in the title.  For instance ‘Voxtronix’ has a vocal sample, ‘Synthtronix’ features some extra keyboard stabs, etc.  If you can’t get with this shitronix, than you must listen to some lametronix, funkytronix breaktronix.  And your momtronix sucks cocks in helltronix. <jes>


Terry Lee Brown Jr.

Here We Go/ Impact State
Plastic City, UK

This is another very different style Plastic City record- instead of being some form of acid it’s a little more housier.  The first track ‘Here We Go,’ is a morning house track complete with a sample of one large bong tube being pulled- what else would fit?  The second track is more progressive with a couple builds and breaks.  As the great Brad Synergy once said “…one for the dance floor but probably not for the home.” <drew>

Inner City

Music Man, Belgium

Beautiful remixes done by Dave Clarke and Carl Craig.  Clarke increases the BPMs a bit and adds his trademark backwards “whoosh” samples, reworking it into an awesome techno stomper. Craig takes it back down to about 126 BPM’s and transforms it into a deep, groovy track that will both energize and entrance you at the same time.  Also thrown in for good measure is the original Reese mix, which has a more downtempo, atmospheric feel, and another remix of ‘Do Ya’ (also remixed by Craig).  An all around impressive release.  9/10 <j flux>

Double 99

Logic, US

It figures. I don’t get shit worth playing unless I stick my neck out for it as far as promos, and Logic has to go and re-release a tune I really like.  I’m not going to say anything more besides if you like speed garage you’ll like this piece.  Believe me if you want. <Al Duce>

Death In Vegas

Twist and Crawl
Concrete, UK

Two songs- two mixes of each.  The original mix of ‘Twist and Crawl’ is a ragga electro dub jam which didn’t do all that much for me- the dub mix does much better by losing the vocals and sticking to the instrumental head music formula which Death In Vegas does a better job of anyway.  Flip for two versions of ‘Opium Shuffle;’ one mixed by the man of the moment, Jon Carter, and another by Fearless and company- an okay breaky cut which will probably rock all the heavenly social kids and west coast folks in a major way.  Okay record- although their previous singles have been a tad more interesting.  <brad>

Fast Eddie/CZR

Bang that Thang
International House Records, US

Both of these should be available as you read this, so I suggest you hurry.  Both are absolute genius.  CZR.  Yeah, you know.  Side A- a disco-type thing kinda similar to the cut y’all know on the ‘Another Level’ EP, but a little more flowin’ and with less chunkiness.  Side B carries it out in the old style with that preacher man sample that appeared on Jack the Ripper, Cloud 9 (the old Moving Shadow record), and that Rampant record, but uses a new piece of it I haven’t heard yet.  The Fast Eddie record is also quite good, but it’s strongest quality is its humor.  Straight up ghetto with a line about a bag for all those potheads out there.  For dat ass! 10/10 <el duce>

DJs Luv Dubs 2

Submarine, US

Four mixes targeted at the DJ by Popular records’ subsidiary Submarine.  There is but one useful cut on this collection- Bohannon’s ‘Stomp’ remixed by Emotive’s Anorak Trax.  This is deep and soulful New York dubby garage with some bumpin’ percussion and synth licks.  The rest of this is commercial shit to be absolutely blunt.  The Anorak remix saves the record as being something you might want to look for- the rest could have been left out as far as I’m concerned.  <brad>

Trinity Sight/Paul & Doran

Fragrant, US

Solid debut for this new Californian label- one side produced by Doran and Paul Grogan from Rampant Records and the other side from Shawn Parker and J Scott G (best known for his production with Dan Efex on Time Unlimited).  Doran and Paul put together a very pleasant trance house piece-  distinctly non-Rampant with it’s lacking of anything breakbeat.  J Scott G’s ‘Manhattan Project’ on the flip side is well produced but failed to catch my interest- good sounds but nothing impressive in the orchestration. <brad>

E-N featuring Ceevox

That Sound
White Label

I’m very curious if this is the same outfit which dropped the infamous ‘Horn Ride’ some time ago when Tribal was a functioning label-  my first inclination is that it is.  Four mixes which vary in style and quality-  the first being a big hands in-the-air-do-I-have-to-hear-another-fucking-snare-roll mix- the following being a San Francisco acid breaks cut which does OK.  The flip side starts off with what is obviously intended as the ‘club mix’ and rounds out with the most interesting mix- a tribal acid house cut which floats into some nice strings at the end.  Good for the last mix- the rest is a toss-off for the most part.  <brad>

De Donatis III

The Sound

Yet another in a series of crap cheesy records we receive at Massive each issue.  This one comes from the United Kingdom’s Truelove Label Collective-  a four tracker based around “the sound of the underground” sample repeating itself into oblivion.  The thing is- this is the sound of euro handbag trash which might have been the sound of the underground years ago but is now simply the sound of Jeremy Healy and friends.  The only mix which comes remotely close is this mediocre acid/rz-1/909 thing which loses it to “le fromage” about mid way.  Into the garbage chute, flyboy.  <brad>


Paper Recordings, UK

From my personal favorite label of the moment comes yet another kicker of a northern English style tech house jam from the cats known as Shaboom.  ‘Bessie’ is an undeniable ass mover with deep synth flavor and the funky drummer drummin’ while ‘Green & Kleer’ reminds me of a DJ Sneak cut mixed with something from Plink Plonk Records.  The flip side’s ‘Kurb Dog Mix’ is the absolute kicker of a jam- the percussion funky, the bass line is penetrating, and the organ lead which rides on until morning.  Get this one!  <brad>

Pocket Knife EP

Thunk, US

Hmmm- I can’t quite make up my mind about this one- some parts are nice, like syncopated percussion and such, but anything with a tinge of acid breaks in it these days burns holes in my ears.. wait, already got em. I’d like these if the tracks didn’t have three minute over dramatic build ups and such.  If you like shit like Hardkiss with a bit more something, check it. <dan>

Little Wing

Light Hearted
Hardkiss, US

Hmmm- this record sucks- the only redeeming factor is the C side because there’s a wah-wah guitar in it.  Word.  Hardkiss/10 <dan>


To The Head
Rebirth, US

Michael Knapp and Jason Blakemore release ‘To the Head’ after an 18 month vacation from their production unit known as Rebirth.  To the Head is a great double pack with a couple of storming acid house tracks.  ‘Bassline Trail’ is indeed one, ‘To the Head’ the acid house mix is also one.  To most people these tracks will be brand new.  For those of us on the left coast, one might recognize these dancefloor pleasers from Jason himself or a couple other well known Los Angeles DJs.  I know my copy will undoubtedly become burned. <rick>


Nettwerk, US

Rabbit in the Moon stop on by to remix another pseudo-indie electronic outfit for some decent results.  For those who don’t know- Delirium is the latest project of Rhys Fulber and Bill Leeb of Frontline Assembly and Intermix fame.  The Florida sensation fucks the original up a bit- the drums sounding much like the seminal African Dream record of years back with some funky guitar licks and a vocal breakdown to bliss out to.  Flip for a dub mix which isn’t too great and the original.  Good record.  <brad>


Motion Records, UK

Absolutely blinding two tracker which transcends modern genre labels entirely-  produced by Diesel, Harvey, and Jarvis.  Live percussion, guitar leads which sound like they were played in a cave by Steve Vai after some good weed; and a sub bassline like it was nicked from a jungle record and slowed down to house tempo.  This record ranks up there in the school of boundary pushing head music of the finest quality.  Rumor has it that this one is hard to get one’s hands on- so find it while you can and enrich your record box a bit.  <brad>

Faze Action

Plans and Designs
Nuphonic, UK

The long awaited long player from the folks who brought us the seminal ‘In the Trees’ about a year ago.  This is neck and neck with Nu Yorican Soul for album of the year thus far- an absolutely fantastic collection and perhaps an even better concept.  These aren’t tracks- these are full-on songs with full-on instrumentation-  disco cuts which concern themselves more with creating something new than sampling a forgotten record from 1975.  Probably the best part about this album is the fact that it works well on the dancefloor and is equally listenable at home- something you could jack to on a Sunday morning or sip wine to with your friends.  If you missed the earlier singles, ‘In the Trees’ and ‘Turn the Point’ are here for you- not to mention the amazing ‘Plans and Designs’ and ‘Original Disco Motion.’  I can’t recommend this enough-  a perfect ten.  <brad>


Pure Space, Canada

Four tracks of the sort of house music that works wonders at 5AM.  No wailing divas here.  Pure Space hits home again with a gem of a record that should raise more than a few eyebrows.  No track titles, just a weird little picture of Siamese twins or something.  First mix on the A-side opens with a sort of tribal/bongo thing that doesn’t grab me too hard-  it’s nice, but not quite what I’m looking for- ditto for the second mix, which is a little too discoey for my tastes.  There must be some sort of Goldilocks action going on somewhere though, because both tracks on the B-side are just right.  First one has some really nice treble work, while the second mix adds some more bassline and just a hint of guitar that sounds like the artist formerly known as-   Snag it if you can find it, because it looks like there’s more demand than supply on this one- and when it’s gone, it may be gone. 9/10 <fish>


DJ Abstract

Green Label, US

The first release on this new LA label proves to be a step in the right direction for stateside jungle.  The A side, ‘Invisible Lines’, is a nice dark tek-stepper that moves into a chunk of hard drums after the break.  Pretty good production, but it’s still sounding like the US is following the UK a bit too much, and the bass that drops leaves a bit to be desired.  ‘Alien Beatdown’ takes the flip with a stripped down tek number that is reminiscent of some Photek with minimal beat structures, creeping synths and fat ass bass. Definitely worth the domestic price and it’ll definitely be worth checking out anything new from Abstract. 8/10 <dan>

Dread Double Pack EP

Dread, UK

This is a double record set from their soon to be released LP.  It contains three new tracks and a remix from Ray Keiths.  All three tracks are filled with dark grinding bass, high hats, and plenty-o-breakdowns.  Soulful breakdowns can be found on 3 of these tracks with nice use of new age pianos and soft guitars.  If harder dancefloor is your poison, the track ‘Chopper VIP’ is pure arsenic- rough samples, choppy (well done) crossover, and a long intro with a lot of changes from within.  Grade: B  <tom.w>

Eminent Force/Snuggles & Slack

Stepwise, US

The 1st track has all the sounds that one would expect from 3D and Ten.  Great intro- smooth production, R&B flavor, mix friendly.  Followed by  deep bass that carries this track right to the end.  Flipside is a well done dark trip. The breakdown is all bass!!  Deep and Dark to get out those hard to reach stains.  Grade: A- <tom.w>

Dynamite Man & The Detonator

Blowing up the spot

This three 2 track record has a little “something-something” for everyone. If you liked “intelligent” the first track is, perfect.  Well done with a nice smooth voice sample, nice “old” bass, and a “flow” to it.  ‘Flipmode’ is ”dancefloor” great “Nu-skool” bass with a “ol’ skool” breakdown.  Very “high-energy” from “top to bottom”… PLUS a free 7’ with that “old skool funk”.  A live instrument 70’s track includes a smooth “R&B MC”  Grade: A <tom.w>

Uncle 22

Wu-Tang Sword
East Side, UK

This is a nicely produced record with good crossover on both tracks. The 1st track is more aggressive with an echoing acid line.  The #2 track is a lot more repetitive but has a real nifty bass line, this track is more on the dark side.  Grade: C+ <tom.w>


Baby I Wanna Live
Heavenly, UK

A fairly commercial jungle driven tune with a foxy girly singing on top is what one can expect from the original mix.  However, the remixes take this track in a very desirable direction- Jon Carter and his Monkey Mafia moniker transform this into a vocal-less snare-fuck of a hardsteppin’ tune.  Richard Fearless of Death In Vegas freaks it (and doesn’t use a breakbeat) into a screwy grungy house jam.  The top remix, however, goes to DJ Pulse for his overtly pleasant and peaceful LTJ Bukem style workover.  Definitely worth checking out.  <brad>


Gus Gus


From the label which brought us everything from Cocteau Twins and The Pixies during the 80s comes this interesting twelve inch of remixes of the latest Icelandic sensation, Gus Gus.  Omid Nourizadeh drops a very beautiful and moody slow breaky mix and LFO’s Mark Bell kicks some serious ass with a house tempo tweaky synth flange freak funk mix.  The Biggo and Pagus mix left a bit to be desired- the Pagus mix starting off with a good idea and then doing nothing with it; the Biggo mix suffering from the same lack of direction problem.  Get this for Omid’s and LFO’s mix- they won’t disappoint.  <brad>


Wet Roads Glisten
Deconstruction, UK

Justin Robertson’s project of critical acclaim is back with a track that sounds like the bastard child of Primal Scream and Massive Attack.  The radio edit is everything one would expect- short and sweet enough to keep the short attention span of modern music listeners.  The ‘Wet Roads rmx’ strays quite a bit from the original- dropping the hip hop beat for a distorted 909 and replacing the vocals with lovely analog sounds.  Flip for ‘Zip Gun Rumble’ which is essentially spy movie music and the original version of the title track.  Decent  <brad>


DJ Dante

Barefoot Boogie Volume 1
In House Records, US

The San Frandisco funk train has arrived with the long awaited debut single by one of the nations most sought after DJs.  Dante’s ‘Barefoot Boogie’ hits you off with a bit of summer funk.  Featuring live percussion, electric guitar, string builds, and a burning keyboard solo, this disco house delight will slide you into one juicy groove that will get your feet movin. <bkarp>

Live Better Electrically

Funky Future
Shewey Trax, US

I have to say that this label has come a long way since it’s humble beginnings.  I actually liked this one a lot- two tracks of west coast techno funk.  The Dirty White Boy/Oricom mix of the title track is probably the most exciting- electronic yet full of soul with fantastic drum programming.  The original is decent but doesn’t really have as much progression as the other mix- just a lot of percussion.  Very good. <brad>

Simply Jeff

My Planet/Godzilla Funk
City of Angels, US

City of Angels has been putting out some nice stuff lately but this new cut from Simply Jeff is probably their best one out.  ‘My Planet’ has funkiness to it that  will make you want to get off that couch and dance, but ‘Godzilla Funk’ is the track that will make the floor shake. Both tracks are West Coast style breakbeats with lots of build ups and breakdowns.  This is definitely a record that all break beat/ house DJs should have. 8.5/10 <chase>

Rockers Hi-Fi

Mish Mash
Different Drummer, ???

A very fun record.  Three pieces, more than ten cuts, and almost every speed range inherit the Mish Mash EP.  This is like a DJ Food release in terms of versatility, only the rockers weren’t looking to make a breaks and beats record.  These are all complete songs, some dubby and vocalized (incredible voice on that bird to boot), others jazzed out on the DL, and a few that are of a idiosyncratic yet ingenious house nature.  It takes a few listens but eventually it hits you.  Generally that’s the scenario when I’ve found something I’ll listen to for years. 10/10 <al dente>

Hard Hop Heathen Meets Man Parrish

Hard Hop Ree Bop
Tricked Out , US

This cut contains tracks written and produced from the one and only Omar.  Hard and heavy breaks with lots of build ups and break downs, it also has the sample “yes, yes ya’ll” all over the place.  Trip hoppers will definitely get off their butts and shake their asses to this one with all of the spacey sounds combined with the hard beats. 8.5/10 <chase>

Cotton Club

Nu Jack
Adrenaline Records, US

Classic breakbeat track rereleased on Fantastic Records.  Unless you’re a new jack yourself you would most definitely recognize it. The tweaked out mix and Junior Camps remixes are groovy but the original is still where it’s at.  Pick this one up. 8/10 <chase>

Kurtis Mantronik

Music For The Dusted EP
Oxygen Music, US

The godfather of electro-breaks is back, presumably ditchin’ Groove Theory for a little bit so he can collect some scrilla, off of this ‘Electronica’ boom.  Personally, I feel he should have kept his nose clean, because aside from the included old-school classic ‘King of The Beats’ (not available on the commercial release) most of this sounds a bit forced.  Hell, maybe if he hooked it up again with Just-Ice we’d have something.  Otherwise this is some of that same-old, same-old slobbering acid-breaks meets trip-hop shit that bores me to tears. <jes>


Ant Banks feat. Too $hort and Ice Cube

Big Thangs
Priority, US

D-Shot feat. Too $hort and Spice-1 True Worldwide Playaz (Jive/Sic Widdit, US)
Short Dawg is definitely wilin’ up in this epic.  I guess this “retirement” shit is all relative, since the Atlanta via Oaktown freaky-tales spinnin pimp is gettin’ up in everybody’s business.  Big Thangs is definitely the choice cut of this group, obviously cuz it’s for his potna’s forthcoming project.  It’s definitely some shit to ride to,  but I think I speak for everybody when I say Cube tryin to flex like a mack has always left a lot to be desired, and this track is no exception.  Shit, any Ice Cube appearance in the last three years is usually pretty lame, unless you count his appearance in The Bitch in You.  TWP on the other hand is some pretty typical NorCal/Click type shit, which I’ve never gotten with, and despite $hort’s appearance, this is no exception. <jes>

The Beatnuts feat. Big Punisher and Cuban Link

Off the Books
Violator/Relativity, US

I caught this track on The Stretch Armstrong show, when I was up in NY, and I bugged.  This might be the tightest flavor the ‘nuts have hooked up in a few years, and it is definitely on some summertime shit  like the last joint ‘Give Me the Ass.’  The tumbling bassline and ‘You Better Watch Yourself’ sample is definitely on point, and even Big Punisher (from Fat Joe’s camp) is listenable.  Boriquas represent lovely, word is bond. <jes>


Verbal Affairs/Empire Staters
Rawkus, US

First up, ignore the “feat. Extra P” nonsense on the label.  The Large Profess is in n’ out like a premature ejaculation:  no rhyme, no cuts, just a little big-up to B, who was probably off throwin’ up in the corner after a few rounds with the Henny Demon.  Otherwise Verbal Affairs is hella tight featuring some up-in-ya-face Queensbridge lyrical slaughter, backed up by a track that acts like Trackmasterz never existed (and that’s a GOOD thing).  The flip is more of the same, though none of it is really groundbreaking-it still manages to avoid the ever-present Gambinoisms that make most of what’s comin out of the Rotten Apple, indie or otherwise, a big snore. <jes>


Radiohead/Agent Orange
Fondle ‘Em, US

Before you dismiss this as a throwback to “Horrorcore” or some other bullshit fad, please peep the abstract flow that Cage is on, and try to front like this ain’t the joint.  Agent Orange is especially tight with it’s “Clockwork Orange” theme and the hook cut up by Crooklyn Clan’s DJ Riz (the “People say his mind was infected by devils” from Liquid Swords).  Both tracks are produced by Necro, which would seem to indicate a Nonphixon/MC Serch connection somewherez, but one way or another Cage is definitely droppin’ the ill-ass shit for the 9 double3.5. <jes>


Good Times/Feel It
Wildfire, US

Good Times is da shit, no doubt.  Equal parts Crooklyn Dodgers and Soopa Man Lova, this Beantown native is on a mission to hit off everyone’s fave ghetto princess, Thelma Evans, but not without some considerable resistance from Michael, and a TNT wielding JJ.  The Primo-style hook is nice, and even Alderman Davis’ fat ass gets a cameo so you know Slash done his homework.  ‘Feel It’ is on some “u can’t fuck with my block” hardcore stylee that accentuates his vocal similarities to Reggie Noble, without coming off corny.  But the A-side is what you will buy this for, and believe me that will be money well spent. <jes>

Mos Def

Universal Magnetic/If You Can Hah
Rawkus, US

After appearances with De La and the ill God Mike Zoot, Mos Def sets out on his own with the jam of the summer.  ‘Universal Magnetic’ starts off on some old-school block party shit and then sets it off with Shawn J. Period blessin us with some nice uptempo shit that sounds like it could be from 86 (you know, that was RZA’s favorite shit), but the rhymes MD is droppin is straight to infinity, HipHop for hiphop’s sake, and not for the Benjamin’s.  The B-Side is straight skills as well, so you know it’s on. <jes>


Talkin Bout Bank/Taxin
Southpaw/Red Ant, US

The Hobo Junction’s resident boss- ballers return with a scorcher.  Whereas ‘Whoridin’ was strictly for the players (even with the inclusion of da saucee nomad Saafir).  ‘Taxin’ is on some straight up EPMD intelligent dons type flow.  And the beats???  Shit, I haven’t heard a west coast crew come with riddims this hard  in the longest.  If this is the shit we get when the Hobo drops their all-star comp, than count me in.  Time for action, indeed. <jes>


Darren Ebert


My old pal Darren gave me a copy of his newest work.  I swear to god, if this guy doesn’t get noticed soon, something is wrong.  An amazing trance track that covers almost 15 minutes and takes the listener through several different levels.  Opening with a moody female vocal and moving into a tech-house slightly trancey track, the intense rhythm programming displayed here is what makes me wonder why more music isn’t this complex.  Get a copy by calling 414.305.0353. Darren also does astounding live PA’s, bookim fer yer show, ey? <dan>

Laura Grabb

666, US

I’m not sure what sort of tortures her gear has been put through but I’m guessing that it’s gotta be illegal- creaming machinery… unnatural noises… pure, malicious intent.. no track titles, make up your own.. or just cower in fear.  Your choice. <fishead>

The Fix

Natural Born Sucker

First track is slow, minimal-ish acid with some of the ODDEST sounds I’ve ever come across… some sort of drone that pitch shifts up and down and then these weird sort of farting/ripping noises that bury everything else… the next three tracks get progressively faster, darker and busier. <fishead>

Beverly Hills 808303

No Boobs, No Sales

Anyone who looked at the photo on Somatic Responses ‘subspace distorters’ release and said ‘move those hands!’ has gotta be happy with this one… the A-side is two tracks of grungy electro in the style of their 2nd DBN release, and the B-side is an extended mix of South Pacific from their first… <fishead>

3D + Snuggles

The Rock
Ghetto Safari, US

The inaugural drum n’ bass release from the Drop Bass Network.  The Rock takes up an entire side and is well worth it… synth stabs kick on the second beat which makes for a tricky mix, but the track kicks ass so play it, damn it… second side brings us ‘Defender’ with a wall of bass that simply kicks ass and ‘Phalanx,’ a noisy number wedged inside a floaty intro and outro. <fishead>



Lunatic Harness

Third major release under the guise of U-ziq by Spaniard Mike Paradinas is probably his most approachable in an easy-listening sense, and perhaps a commercial, but none the less successful in it’s achievement of putting together a well-thought out LP.  U-ziq picks up the structured breaks and melodic underpinnings that perhaps his peers like Aphex may have left in the shitter on holiday. Paradinas is goofy enough to use almost R+B sounding melodies with tight and hard breaks, that if separate would be their own style but thanks to his timing and foresight, put it all together in the end.

Not as trying on the mind as his last full length, In Pine Effect, or for that matter confronting, this album is more interested in melodic structure and trippy fast breaks than the more experimental angle of the latter.  However not every track on this album is sit-down style music. ‘Blainville’ is some soft electronic funk, ‘Secret Stair Parts 1+2’ are string influenced breakers, with a melodies as unsettling as elevator music, which for me is U-ziq’s appeal. ‘My Little Beautiful’ is probably the most classic collaboration of fast rhythms and uplifting tones on the album.  ‘Lunatic Harness’ is beat-box done Paradinas style, dissolving itself throughout the course of the song and ‘Approaching Menace’ is probably the darkest and straightest jungle track I’ve heard done by him, very cool.  Probably one of the best releases on Astralwerks to date. <johnny>

Darren Price

Under the Flight Path

Emotional and well structured English techno and jungle from Underworld’s tour DJ and consequent remixer, Darren Price’s debut album for Nova Mute comes off right- dragging influences from electro and jungle, along with the smooth melodies of Detroit techno. If you ever heard his Junior Boys Own single under the moniker of Centuras, then you know what I’m talking about.  ‘Under the Flight Path’ also gathers influence from Heathrow Airport, of all places, due to the strategic locale of Mr. Prices’ studios, outside of London.  And like an airport, the range of emotion ranges from moving fast to waiting for time to pass.  Tracks like ‘Phizz’ and ‘Air Space’ are groovy acid 4/4 knockoffs, ‘Long Haul 747’ is a mesmerizing jungle track with laid back jazz guitars and broad synth notes and ‘Things Change’ is an original piece of breakbeat that is more interested in the competing and changing moods of the bassline and the synths. Impressive and varied first effort by Darren Price. <johnny>


All of Us Can Be Rich
Digital Hardcore/Grand Royal

After hearing the last EC8OR EP, as well as the ‘Cocaine Ducks’ single, I was expecting more Amiga-produced punk rock hardcore, which was delivered, but I was surprised as well as impressed by a side of EC8OR that’s new to me.  It seems that EC8OR also has, for lack of a better word, trip-hop, except like Portishead and Throbbing Gristle mixed.  ‘Plastic Creatures’ is like beatnik-punk-rock with a steady breakbeat in the background- Same with ‘You’ll Never Find’, both with Gina rambling punk-ethos about how stupid humanity is and the like.  ‘Victim’ is a dark, but fast ambient track with bass drops and looped breaks and electronic noises going off.  Even the title track is a stomping, noisy 909 induced breaker.  However, EC8OR still punks the fuck up with tracks like ‘I Don’t Want To Be A Part of This’, a demonic hardcore guitar melee of riotbreaks and shit.  ‘Think About’ is a rather simpler guitar and sample fest, but none-the-less moving.  Not one of these songs sound the same, which shows the range that the realm of hardcore can reveal.  A verification to some that some people in this shit can make it sound good and have incredible range.  Real yummy shit. <johnny>


Astralwerks, US

The omnipotent MTV corporately sponsors the next generation of music via the AMP compilation in the biggest “who’s who” lineup of supastars you will ever see in the ‘97.  Obviously a promo of sorts for the Uberchannels’ new Headbangers Ball for the technokids, they waste no time in showing off the almost clichéd big-name talent list. Although MTV is getting better in these compilations (The Grind Workout CD and the Beavis and Butthead Experience withstanding), throwing some no-namers in that they might have on the show or remixes would be better than the over-the-top lineup.  And like a  rich cheesecake, it’s overflowing with a too sweet taste of talent. Chemical Bros., Fluke, Underworld, FSOL, Photek, Aphex Twin, Orbital, Goldie, Prodigy, Josh Wink, Crystal Method are all on here with their most popular tracks.  But gotta be impressed with the Atari Teenage Riot track ‘Sick to Death’ at the end.  Shows that at least MTV shows a little reverence for taking on such a picky genre as electronica music, but we can only hope they will hype it up like they did Poison or Warrant, then shit it out and despise it.  By the way, MTV, I’ve got the next biggest thing for ya. <johnny>

Meat Beat Manifesto

Original Fire
Nothing, US

Starting with the old Revco sample “It’s in my brain now!” in a bassline heavy and trippy version of ‘Helter Skelter’ to the last beat of the three ‘Radio Babylon’ remixes, this album rocks and works in a greatest hits album format as well as remix album.  Every one of Jack Danger’s albums is represented here, with remixes of ‘I’ve Got the Fear,’ and also ‘I am Electro’ which is a remix of ‘Original Control’ off of Satyricon.  ‘Asbestos Lead Asbestos’ from the newest release of Subliminal Sandwich is on here as well and to round it off you’ve got an unreleased track with an alternate remix by Freaky Chakra.  This is a completely brave and well executed idea of redoing older songs with the new direction and range that Meat Beat is going into and a perfect compliment to the last album.  If you have been in a closet missing these guys, this album will give you some 10 years of catching up. <johnny>

Robert Rich/Alio Die

Fathom, US

Two releases off of San Fran ambient label Fathom features pioneering ambient artist and laid back kinda cat Robert Rich oh!-ing and ah!-ing with sampled nature noises and live instruments with synths. Well, what can you say when describing ambient?  Moods. OK it’s trippy, too melodic, too dark, so whatever trips your trigger, it’s in here.

And there’s lots of it, for Numena + Geometry is two discs, each disc an album, so you can’t lose with this two for one deal.  Rich actually has philosophy behind his music, so each album carries its own theme, so for all you thinking gentlemen, this will get you those bourgeois yearnings you may want to get out of electronic music.  If there is such a thing as “classical new-age ethno electronic music”, I suppose this is it.  Both are a great testament to the fact that they were made almost a decade ago and sound as fresh as if were made yesterday, thanks to what Robert Rich was on to back when I was ten years old.  “Fissures” is collaboration of Rich with the mysterious Alio Die, recorded this past year, and it’s creepy!  One minute you’re listening to it, next minute you become it, man!  Seriously though, nothing has sounded so brilliant out of a mixing board, so many levels going on, panning left to right, up and down, through you, excellent.  This is a needed release for anyone who is stoned all the fucking time.  That’s all I got to say ‘bout that.  Love, <johnny>


Giatronyk vs. the Cheap Robots
Asphodel Ltd., US

Unusual workings of ambient and jungle I suppose, but you can’t really get around grouping this for all you alpha consumers out there.  Using more sequenced synths that you’ve ever heard in a jungle song, it bends and hyperinflated synth noises give you a range from very deep and chill with some hip-hop grooves to drum and bass done techno-industrial style.  They are not kind with their ambient stuff, but it’s hard in a fat bass and acid sound rather than real noisy shit, building and dropping.  Danceable and heavy, highly recommended from a label I had never heard from before.  May I suggest you contact Asphodel Ltd. at PO Box 51, Chelsea Station, New York, NY 10113  Thank you. <johnny>


Adventures in Foam
Shadow, US

If you’ve heard the style of jungle that Shadow likes to put out, you’ll know what’s in this beauty.  Jazz thrown through samplers and modulators, fast and tight breaks make sense of the breaks in the back.  Cujo gets me because he seems more interested in the whole aspect of concentrating on the flow of the instruments rather than the whole infatuation these days with basslines and breaks, some real soul is in this album.  He takes on some excellent hip-hop tracks as well, working “acid-jazz” like a household cleaner.  His first US release, this is an extremely smooth and tight album.  The crossover is here. <johnny>

Trance Groove

Allegro, US

From Allemania comes Trance Groove, with a very smooth and relatively simple plot:  make trip-hop, house and breakbeat with live instruments, tribal drums, turntables and non-MIDI synths to bring a sound so together you can’t tell it apart from a highly produced one-man outfit, so prevalent in the scene.  Consisting of no less than eleven musicians, and no samplers, each track except for one is a live performance at various venues and in Germany, and no room for remixes.  With jazz and soul rightfully inflicting the sound of today’s electronic music, the irony of doing electronic music with jazz-rock overtones is refreshing and inflicting. <johnny>

Sub Dub

Dancehall Malfunction
Asphodel, US

If you can imagine from the title, this is some dub-laden tweaky electronic music, with all the little electronic farts and such that one can think of.  Leaves a taste of everything from electronic-dub trance with influences from the exotic and world sound of dub.  Making wonders with the mix board, using a hybrid of real bass and percussion with electronic noises, Sub Dub moves in and around pop and hip-hop influenced jams.  Even doing a very cool and up-tempo jungle track, ‘Jawbreaker,’ with a real old-school ska feeling with fast jungle breaks. Rootsy and progressive, a fine new release indeed. <johnny>


Music For Grass Bars
Hypnotic, US

First off, the cover art on this thing is really beautiful… swirly narcotic pictures highlighted by the fucked texture on the actual plastic.  As for the music, I expected a bit more of a chilled vibe (only because of the cover art), but none-the-less this is still quality music. Starting a bit of droning ambiance, the vibe gets jilted into bouncy sterile techno.  Small shifts in composition make a big difference in this minimal funk work.  It’ll take a couple of listens, but it’s worth it. <dan>


Lunatic Harness
Astralwerks, US

This one has been in high rotation around the house.  This dudes got some funny tricks in the jungalistic vein, much along the same lines as the AFX breaky stuff, and seeing how this guy is supposin’ to be Dick’s understudy, it makes some sense.  Tweaky drum skitzoid patterns run into 80’s action theme show music and get filtered through some broken tube amps for tracks that, upon first listen, make you say, “I could do this at home with my toilet and a Casio.” Then you realize you’re just some raver crusty shit freak that takes too many drugs, thus falling upon the notion (after repeated listenings) that these tracks take a lot more time than it takes to hand wash those ugly fucking fat pants of yours.  So, as was being said, a very fine album of breakbeat jungle schlep… looking forward to the vinyl. <dan>


Instinct, US

A very fine effort from the new “Instinct Electronica” (gotta love that word) of almighty Instinct.  Nice packaging with groovy hippy blippy titty squeeze swirly whirls on the CD.  Kosma lays down a pimp shit album of down tempo funk that catches easily and holds on for more than a few listens.  A late night snack due for repeated THC inhabited listens. <dan>

Banco de Gaia

Big Men Cry
Planet Dog, UK

Alright, I ain’t no sissy, and I sure as hell don’t cry, especially over a bitch, and a cheatin’ one at that, but this album is alright… yes, just alright, I mean it’s a bit too inoffensive and new age, but you hippy fucks out there that go for acoustic instruments and lots of ‘ethnic’ chants will probably dig this one.  After the live album of last year I was pretty excited to see this in the mail, but this new wave goofball shit isn’t to my liking.  A lot of you may disagree, but I bet that one freak the killed that one queero fashion wop dude probably listened to crap like this and beat his meat to snuff films, and did some stuff like give poodles the royal butt treatment with a turkey baster and a loaf of seven grain, if ya catch my drift. <DAN>

Jamie Myerson

Ovum, US

HOLY FUCKING SHEEEEIT this sucks so bad.  WINNER, we’ve got a winner. Crappiest crap crap album of the year.  If you want to hear shit that’s bound to hit the easy listening station in a few years, check dis shit, billy boy.  Bad soft jungle, bad house, bad VOCAL house.  More proof that rave culture and techno music on a whole is headed down hill.  Fuck this shit, I’m joining a country western band and heading south. <NaD>


Sounds Of The Asian Underground
Quango, US

Quango is constantly putting out CD compilations of superior quality, and that can’t be said about many cookie cutter comp labels these days.  On ‘Sounds…’ ethnic jungle is layered on thick, and although the beats may not be exactly innovative, the soundscapes that accompany them more than make up.  Through the first section of the album, jungle is the main flavor- on a layed back steppy tip.  State of Bengal offers a change up with ‘Chittachong Chill,’ a throbbing tribal breakbeat track that works its way into a frenzy at a smooth up tempo 140 BPM.  Throughout, the feel of this album is dense with its layers and depth of track structure.  A sure fire pick for any connoisseur. <dan>

Ambient Temple Of Imagination

Planetary House Nation
Mindspore, US

Don’t let the title fool you… this shit is by no means house.  I broke my collar bone recently, and let me tell you, the pain medication they gave me goes great with this CD.  Washed out dark tribal ambient that sends you deep into the coves of rusty warehouses and levitates you above rusted out Buicks.  This shit is so damn thick, so layered, and not at all what I expected from this release.  This is the type of absolutely non fluff ambiance that I live for, and let me tell ya, there hasn’t been too much of this shit around lately.  Break a bone, get hepped up and enjoy.  Buy on sight. <dan>

Jeff Mills

The Other Day
React, UK

Following his Live in Tokyo mix, Jeff Mills releases a label compilation of his very own Axis imprint on the React label.  This CD is not mixed like the previous disc, but regardless it is a better package.  Not only is the music flawless, but the actual written text within the CD package is very interesting as well.  Jeff goes through each track individually and tries to describe the thoughts that were flowing through his subconscious during the track’s creation.  This, for me, was especially interesting since I have always liked all of the tracks represented here.  This is a great educational tool for all the CDJs.  Most vinyl junkies definitely love and play this guy out consistently.  If you don’t know Jeff Mills by now, definitely pick this one up.  So far, it is the definitive compilation of Jeff or his Axis label.   Detroit is alive and kicking.  9/10 <rick>

Various Artists

Steve Bug presents The Minimal Funk
Raw Element, Ger

This double CD compilation was hand selected by Steve Bug and is one of the better to come out this year.  The package is really versatile, it contains one mixed CD and one unmixed CD.  Both discs are par for their course.  The mixed CD was compiled by Mr. Bug himself and is absolutely seamless.  The unmixed CD will really make an impression as well.  It is a tight grouping of some serious artists including acts like Dr. Rockit, Mike Ink, and Steve Bug himself.  From minimal hard house to funky, soft techno, this collection is all quality and no filler.  Also keep an eye out for other Raw Elements releases, so far I have only come across good stuff. 9/10 <rick>


The Finnish Techno Collection
Function, Finland

A Finnish collection of local techno artists, the array of tracks is really on the cutting edge of European techno, which tends to be on the dark and minimal tip.  The CD opens with the ill, distorted, sounds of Panasonic.  The CD is further developed by Marko Laine’s ‘Read and Write.’  From beginning to end, this CD is relentless.  The beats are crisp and the synths are fuzzy.  A lot of the acts and labels on this release tend to be a bit obscure to the American buyer, but this won’t be the case for very long if a significant number of American techno fans are exposed to this release.  It is recommended highly. 7/10 <rick>

Crystal Method

City of Angels, US

Earning a rep as America’s rave rock band shouldn’t be hard for these to guys from Las Vegas with their new CD, ‘Vegas’.  With the first single of this album, ‘Busy Child’ already out, look for more singles like, ‘Trip Like I do,’ and ‘She’s my Pusher.’  The tracks on this CD all have guitar riffs put together with funky/acid breakbeats, some slow, some fast.  Released on City of Angels, these guys are doing a lot, so expect good things.  When do we see the video??? 8/10 <chase>

The Future Sound of Jazz 2

Instinct, US

After the success of the first volume Instinct licensed from Compost Records, this second volume contains all of the tracks which appear on Compost’s third Future Sound of Jazz compilation.  The difference is only in packaging and price.  The music is unbelievable.  It takes drum and bass and makes it seductive with jazz influence.  Other tracks are even more jazz-like in structure, not resembling drum and bass, but more along a triphop note.  Some of the contributors to this amazing compilation are Gescom, Mike Paradinas, Garsaaidi, Metamatics, Move D, Jimpster, RAC and many more.  In addition, more than half of this release is from previously unreleased material. If you had a chance to listen to the first compilation, or you recognize some of the artist mentioned, or you are just curious about this release, you will not be disappointed. 9/10 <bill>

Bjorn Svin

Mer Strom
April Records

As his first full length debut release, Bjorn Svin’s ‘Mer Strom’ is an excellent voyage into the minimal techno sounds often attributed to Detroit.  However, both artist and record label hail from Denmark, where April Records continues to have a flawless output from a talented roster of artists.  At a young age of 21, Bjorn has composed nine tracks for this release, ranging from energetic funky rhythms to the minimal patterns of the famous 909.  Although not really dance floor oriented, April Records has a 12″ featuring four of the album’s more upbeat tracks, titled ‘Cars Suck.’  The first track on the CD is a highly original sounding track, providing a great lead into the remainder of this release.  Another stand out is track seven, which while using similar sounds as the first track, increases the intensity of the listening experience.  This is not typical of some of April’s releases that are more ambient in nature, although it does reflect the more recent diversity of the April label that exhibits more elements of modern electronica. 7/10 <bill>

Boredom is Deep and Mysterious Vol. 3

April Records, ???

The third installment from April Record’s ‘Boredom is Deep and Mysterious’ series continues along the more varied aspects associated with the second volume.  Moving more away from the ambient soundscapes popularized a few years ago, this release begins to embrace the drum and bass influences that have been permeating electronic music within the past year. Not exactly intended for the dance floor either, this compilation lies somewhere in between lying on the  sofa and standing on the floor. In addition to previously featured April  recording artists, a few additions have been made. Projects Altra, B-9, DJ 360, Konsum, and St. Petillo all debut on April with this release. Another artist appearing after the release of the second volume is Jet, who remixes one of his tracks for the new CD. The sounds range from ambiance to beautiful versions of ambient drum and bass to dub fusion sounds.  Similar to recent releases from other labels that exhibit jazz influences, this release takes it one step further and at the same time avoiding the growing trend. 9/10 <bill>

Nine Inch Nails

Perfect Drug Versions
Nothing, US

Trent Reznor’s first collaborative efforts with those in the electronic music scene was primarily with Richard D. James on the Nine Inch Nails ‘Further Down The Spiral release.  Now, Trent has signed Luke Vibert’s alias Plug to the Nothing label for domestic distribution of his full length titled ‘Drum and Bass for Papa.’  It is obvious that Trent has been influenced by what’s happening in electronic music as of late, especially in the drum and bass genre.  In addition, musicians like David Bowie are also embracing this recent surge of electronic music popularity, listening to the likes of Rupert Parkes (aka Photek). Trent’s influence finally takes form in his release of the track called ‘The Perfect Drug’ for the ‘Lost Highway’ soundtrack.  Now, Trent invites Luke Vibert, Meat Beat Manifesto, The Orb, and Jonah Sharp (Spacetime Continuum) to help mix up his original version.  Out of the five tracks, four of them come off with an industrial drum and bass sound.  The one exception is Sharp’s contribution that emphasizes melody more than the sporadic sounds of drum and bass programming.  Meanwhile, Meat Beat Manifesto offers a signature remix with an added bit of chaos, while Vibert disguises his Plug alias fairly well by going off the beaten path to an original sound. Although some people may fret over the crossing of two separate musical entities, others will like the outcome of such collaborations. 8/10 <bill>

Trance Groove

Allegro, US

This seven member group collaborates for the second time for their first debut in America, continuing their ability to put out music that remains innovative.  This might be due to the amount of ideas generated among the group’s members, and in form it resembles acts like Electric Skychurch… live bands that cast of funky tunes with jazz influences.  Each of the seven members is a highly respected German musician, in addition to extra collaborative input from Nicole Meyer (Fred banana Combo) and Blaine Reininger (Tuxedo Moon).  In addition to mending each of their abilities with certain instruments, they overdubbed some recordings from a live show to add extra depth to the listening experience. Similarly, their first release, ‘Solid Gold-Easy Action’ used the same technique in arriving at the finished product. Obvious influences are from jazz and dance cultures, ranging from mellowed out trip hop tracks to a more upbeat funky jazz improvisation.  A perfect fit among worldly and electronic music. 9/10 <bill>

Ambient Systems Vol. 2

Instinct Ambient, US

Coming from Instinct’s ambient offshoot is the second volume in an impressive series.  Since the first Ambient Systems was so successful, it was only a matter of time before the guys at Instinct took the time to make this excellent follow up.  Unlike other forms of sequels, this one does not disappoint.  Consisting of only artists from the Instinct pool, this double pack shows off the talent in America.  New Instinct artists Steps-Dis-Charge and Selway join Dietrich Schoenemann, Drum Komputer, Omicron, SETI., Tetsu Inoue, Synapse, Terre Thaemlitz, Futique, Sub Dub, BPMF, Adham Shaikh, Human Mesh Dance, Escape Tank, and the Super Secret Symphony in bringing the best of the latest ambient music compositions to the public.  From bleepy tracks to more experimental sounding, all of these tracks will provide the listener with the catalyst to what they seek from their listening experience. 8/10 <bill>

Jeffrey McFaggobot …and friends
These are the toons that sat and sat and no one would take them to review, so we passed them on to our local pooper poker in arms, Jeffrey McFaggobot and HIS close circle of ‘friends’ to handle these… we’re not responsible for what they do or say, and pass off everything they do as those ‘colorful’ things ‘those’ kind of people do…


True Love, UK

Don’t you just love half ass crappy techno trance with that special sissy flair?  The original mix is a sweet smelling mix of Goa style turd lines and extremely lean crap ass percussion that really just trips me out, and the way this makes me twirl my glow sticks at the height of some shit rave party is absolutely astounding.  Have you seen my new pants?  A great combo of glitter and camouflage that make me rave my prissy 13 year old ass all over the dancey floorey… got any K dood?  Baby Doc’s mix is another chunk of butt lubbing pleasure, shove this up your ass and rave til dawn, or at least til the meth runs out. 10/10 <Danny>


Don’t Say Your Love Is Killing Me
Maverick, US

Well, kudos to Madonna and her label for picking up on the new ‘electrolysis’ sound wave.  You can’t get much more gay (happy) than Erasure, and oh my cock in a penis pump rub rub squirt squirt, this is a gem, a diamond in the rough if you will.  I ent out to the club the other night  and the DJ played the new megamix of Erasure. Lets just say my special nip and tuck crotch concealers weren’t so dry after Ralphie showed me the true meaning of killing me with love.  I’ve never had so much fun in a toilet.  Six remixes in the finest of super deep underground music.  When the DJ ixed in the New Chem. Bros. (that’s the Chemical Brothers for those of you not in the know with this new music form) I nearly exploded.  Good thing my new X-small Hilfiger shirt was holding me in.  Double copies, for sure. 10/10 <Joey>

The Prodigy

The Fat Of The Land
Maverick, US

What is up with the hair on that lead singer, I mean come on, punk is OK, but how about checking the shape of your head before you go and cut all of your pretty hair off?  This album is a little hard edged for my taste, but my friend Joloo LOVES it (he goes to industrial bars… SCARY!).  Frankly, I didn’t really like this all too much… UNTIL I aw this band on the cover of my source for all the new killer music and fashion… Rolling Stone, oh and Spin too!  They explained how this really is good music on the forefront of this new ‘erectveronica’ craze and how grunge was out for ‘97 and this new punky machine music had just been made up… how can a cutting edge boy toy like me deny knowledge like this?  I’ve got the T-shirt, I’ve got the door poster, I’ve got the mug, I’ve got the album, and you can be damn sure I’m getting front row seats when these ‘next big thingers’ come to town!!  Why didn’t they tell me this was going to happen?  I threw away all my tight jeans during the Zubaz craze of ‘92. 10/10 <Flippy>


Adrenaline, US

Can you say ‘Epic house’, I mean epic like tear jerking romance.  The remix of this has a snare roll long enough for you to wake up, brew the coffee, water the flowers, fuck the chubby midget servant in the doopah, buy a new butt plug and check out the new Jeff Stryker-Peter North vehicle.  And, as long as we’re talking about innovation, have you heard of this crazy 030 machine, it makes this bleepy squirty sound that goes up and down and totally freaks me when I mix E, A, K and G. Breakbeats!  Girls singing!  10 minutes long!  I refer 10 inches to 10 minutes, but as far as music goes, this is smarmy, and yes, that IS a good thing!  Ta Ta now. 10/10 <Kuutzee>


Samba De Janeiro
Tommy Boy, US

Can you see Lee Majors… oh yes you can, or at least I can, ‘cuz this guy fell for The Fall Guy.  Updated for the 90’s, this is the best remix of the Fall Guy theme that have fallen upon these ears.  Just listening to this brought back amazing teenage masturbation fantasies of long rides in the beige Ford truck, I can’t tell you how many time Mr. Majors, Matt Houston and Magnum teamed up to make my wet dreams amazingly H-O-T.  The remix sounds more like the Benny Hill theme, and I can’t say I can appreciate it as much… grody flashbacks to icky snatch and flubby T&A. 10/10 <Wayne>


Ego Trip
Moonshine, US

I’m not going to bore you with a pilfy description of the TRACKS (see, I can sound like a DJ) on this newest release by my role model.  What do you think this is, some kind of mag that actually CARES about music… hell no- we’re all about printing pretty pictures of ourselves bustin’ our mad moves- and showing countless pictures of all the FAB superstar DJs (like Keoki).  So, if I must use WORDS, I will review the part of the CD that I pay the most attention to:  the INSERT.  Alas, I must give this a poopy review because of the photos within (please forgive me, oh, PLUR goddess, for being negative, and thus, anti-ravey).  When my bestest buddy and dancing pal, DJ Smurfy (he’s part african-american, you know), told me that the new Keoki was out, I HAD to rush out and get it, simply to be up to date on what the new look would be in the Nine Seven (props out to my bwoys in Philly!!).  So, the first thing I see is the cover, which is this silvery stuff that you can see your reflection in (my sticky stars and glitter looked just right in it), and says ‘Ego Trip’ on it… and I was like, “That silver stuff is so, cool!!  I wish I could line the bottom of my new 112 inch hyperextended funk jammers in this material!!.”  And then, all of the sudden, this totally clueless hair case next to me starts laughing, and saying, ‘Oh, I get it- that’s funny!’… and I was like, “OHkayeee, step away Mr. Gluesniffing Nirvana freak”.  Surely he was speaking of the 12 Elmos I had hanging off my backpack or something- I get greased all the time for that… Like the time I had to go to court for underage drinking (and that silly curfew ticket too, tee hee)- dressed in my standard Rave gear…  the poopy judge started laughing at me…  and told me to come back when I knew how to dress, so I called him a racist, cuz, y’know, I’m 1/8 Navajo… That’s where I get all my killer moves- being part Indian.  I perfected the ‘spin’ technique, followed by the hat adjust (those spins can really mess your style, but damn does it look good!!).  Just last week, I was at this totally bumping party, sitting around for my customary 6 hours (to absorb the vibe before I showcase my new killer steps I worked on all week), and this little punk ass bitch was bustin’ my moves!!  You shoulda seen it!!  He was like, wearing pants that actually fit!!  Some mock Liquid Sky knockoffs probably, no doubt only worth 70 or 80 dollars!!  Poor muthafucka can’t even afford the REAL shit!  The shirt he was wearing- get this- it said ‘Aerosmith’ on it!!  What is that shit?  Some rave wanna-be crew?  Give me a break.  If it’s a DJ, I’VE never heard of him.  What was I talking about?  Oh, yeah, sorry dood, that was like, the K-Hole talking… even my teachers (I’m in 8th grade), are starting to notice, but I’m like “What do I care, as long as I have fly moves!!’… and anyway, I met Terry Mullan once… well, I didn’t actually MEET him, but, I waved at him.  OH! so, anyway, I took home this CD, and popped it open to check out all the fly fashions the man known as the K to the E to the O to the K to the I is wearing, and guess what?  He’s like, wearing a fucking cowboy outfit, and some weird zombie mummy thing with forks over his eyes, and just a whole slew of fashion no-no’s!!!  Not an ounce of mylar or glow material in the whole thing!!  I mean, how can he dance like that?  What if he drops a glowstick in mid-spin?  How is he going to pick it up with those forks over his eyes?  Geez, before he knows it, some other little crackhead is going to snatch it up… probably that little wannabe in the Aeroplane shirt or something!!  I figure that Keoki ain’t doing too well if he has to dress in rags and forks.  So, in the name of PLUR, I say you all have to buy this CD- buy 2, and forego that extra glow wristband until your next allowance.  Hey, with two of those CDs, you could flip them over and sew the shiney side up to your pant extensions!!  Shit, I shouldn’t have said that… next week that punk in the Air Force shirt will have stolen my idea. fork/10 <wayland>


Like A Star
Timber, US

This song, before I even heard it, I mean- I knew I liked it.  When I’m dancing, I feel like a star, I mean, I know that when I’m workin’ and jerkin’ it that everyone is looking at ME.  “Joey’s ‘79 mix” is all that and a free bottle of conditioner with every package of highlighting shampoo.  I mean, if Debbie Gibson were still jammin’ out, she couldn’t even step up to Cynthia.  Anyways, that little hussie bitch slut ho went and got fat, tramp.  That reminds me, have any of you seen Jerry around?  I knew he was laying low, but little did I know… the other day I stopped by his place (he wasn’t answering the tele) and he came to the door, thinking I was the pizza boy (those sluts over at Blaines Pizza Quickie will do anything, and I mean ANYTHING for the right tip, catch my drift?), and jesus faggy christ on a cross upside down… lets just say that the surgery didn’t go as planned.  More details later… 7/10 <rico>


Tha Hop
Blunt, US

OOOOOOOOOh, girl, this makes me work, and I don’t mean hard labor.  This is one of those catchy ‘booty call’ records.  As they say in the song “…this ain’t the macarena or the bop, this be da booty hop…”. Now they say, this is only for the ladies, but I’ll tell you, yes I will, that this ass is killin’ most of the females over gravitated lump roasts.  Ever hear of a gym, darling?  Guess not.  Get this, work it, slurp it (you know!), and “…do the booty hop…” 9/10 <lil joey>

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